so reflecting upon past ‘phases’ of my life,  i noticed that one of the recurring themes seems to be what is essentially a need for faith – a deep seated craving to be part of something bigger and better then my current incarnation. i noticed a pattern that when things were balanced and flowing smoothly within my spiritual life, other areas of my life concurrently flow more smoothly as well. and, conversely, when i’m in spiritual crisis, everything else tends to be chaotically hectic. and i also noticed that throughout previous cycles of depression, weight gain, reduction of faith, rinse and repeat; there is always an element of the lack of spiritual fulfillment. i’m starting to think that this lack is not a symptom, but rather a root cause, as the turning point is always some sort of spiritual reconciliation.

so now i’m wondering if its possible that some folks can be ‘hardwired’ for spirituality? that faith, and the exercise thereof is a physical need just as necessary as food, water, and air. i’m willing to entertain the idea that its all due to how certain molecules are aligned and spewing chemicals in my head… although i hope its more than that. i’m also willing to entertain the idea that each person has a ‘true calling’ and for some its spiritual expression… which would assume that there is something doing the calling in the first place.

what prompted this was looking back into past writing and noticing that even during the critical lows, my spirituality has never completely unraveled into the ‘life sucks, there is no god’ temporary atheism – rather i have bottomed out at the ‘life sucks, god doesn’t give a shit’ level. i have never been able to seriously accept the possibility that there is no god and no substance to faith – i don’t understand true atheism, because i haven’t ever really experienced it.

so i’m curious to see how other people react to crises of faith, and is faith an essential need for your well-being or something that ebbs and flows as your life situation changes?

through the looking glass…
-justin

One of the more humorous moments from PPD 2009 came about halfway through the event when Dru Ann and I just happened to find ourselves standing at the altar.  We were popping new candles into some of the holders when we realized that everything – absolutely everything – on the altar was made of plastic.  there was not one natural item to be found.  from the fake plastic greenery, to the fake plastic seashell, to the plastic wand.  We had plastic pens, plastic candle lighters, and little plastic cups.  We quickly realized that this would just not do, so we reached into our bags of altar items (lets just say Dru and I come prepared for altar making…) and whipped out a cauldron, a bell and dorje, some scales, and other metal-y bits to complement our stash of plastic.  All of which was fine…

…until we realized that everything – absolutely everything – on the altar was made in China.  *sigh*… ya win some, ya lose some.  This year we’re going to try for a little bit more ‘nature’ on our altar.

For anyone who missed it at ppd, Stuart got some great pics of the finished altar.  The link to the ppd photo gallery is in the sidebar.

-justin